To wander, To feel.......

     
          This last year and a half has been one of immense change and grounding. I think that I have gotten a pretty good idea about the person I am and what exactly it is I plan on achieving in the couple of decades that I get to be present on this rotund space. I think no matter how well put together our life may seem at times, no matter how strong our minds and hearts seem to be, no matter how much we put forward……little my little the small things can un-seemingly etch at our hardest surfaces.
         I remember times in my life now, where I look back and have no idea why I made the decisions I did or why I held back on some of the decisions I was never strong enough to make. But it’s always a affable speculation when in retrospect. Amor Fati.

          I spend most of my days cruising by daily routine on my bike, I feel resilient in the fact that I am not stuck behind a desk or within the confined walls of a corporation. But at the same time I spend countless hours staring into the trees, or into the lake’s water ripples asking myself exactly what it is that I think makes me so dissimilar and distinctive as to be able to escape and squeeze through the corporate loop hole. What it is exactly anyway that I think I am escaping from …..and too. My mind wanders a lot, my heart drops at the most nominal things but doesn’t quite comprehend the more grand scheme of things. I break for no one but put in times of weakness place trust in the least accountable factors. I think sometimes it’s good to just let yourself …..feel. Even if it is short lived or unwise or painful. Sometimes it feels really good to just let go and let in. I am not quite sure where my mind is lately.

My mind is elsewhere, my thoughts are ethereal dreams

Nothing I think, nothing I do, nothing I say is what it seams

 

You may not understand my stream of consciousness, but then again neither do I

I’ve been in mêlée with this disorder for quite some time

So I sit staring, hazy eyed into the vivid lights beaming through the sky

Asking myself, asking everything around me …..Why

 

It’s a daily schism from routine, that keeps my mind in function

But to be honest we all know to expect the universe to answer is a soiled injunction

 

Never the less, ill still stare into the green, the blue and let myself come unglued
Hoping that one day, for just a moment my question may be ensued