Random, New, Borrowed, and Blue

I’m painfully aware of my surroundings and condition lately. The sickness of a dreamer, the vivid life you create behind and within is something that can easily be engulfing. If you’re not careful the imagery can devour you and never take heed in your escape. It’s ironic you know, the way the education system works out. I mean 8 years of school, two degree’s later, $62,000 towards a B.A. and MPA and all that I learned is that I do not ever want to work to make money for someone else, and that all I want to do is create. What do I want to create? What is my master plan? What do I want to accomplish? Unfortunately this changes from day to day or burgeons.


I’m not a one way street; I know that’s the safe route. I know that life has fewer collisions when you’re going in one direction. But then again I have never been one to evade a crash. I suppose I welcome and embrace chaos into my life. The impracticality of what could happen intrigues me. I guess that’s why Austin has been such a dead ringer for me. For once in my life I found a home, a seed. I like planting my feet here. I know I’m a bit nomadic in the fact that I’m one to greet the flight or fleet strategy when stagnation stirs inside me. But something about this city keeps me grounded internally even if I’m not tangibly here.

Austin is a city you don’t just have a weekend fling with. It’s a kind of city you commit to, the kind of city that can cause longevity even in the ficklest dreamers’ mind. There is something to its presence, its ambiance, its edge.

I have been walking a lot lately. I have always been a walker, I can walk for hours just studying the environment around me. Anyhow, I was walking around Town Lake and I saw graffiti on the pedestrian bridge that cut straight to the point. It said “Chose a point, and breath.” Sometimes I think my mind is wandering so aimlessly that I forget to breath. I over analyze so much that I suffocate myself.

Realistically, no one knows exactly what their next step is. We are all looking for that one thing that completes us, the one thing that has always been in us, and we all want to bring it out but sometimes we are in fear of showing it to the world. So I have decided I am just going to do everything…….yeah, that’s right, everything. We shall see how this works out. But for the time being I'm just going to immerse myself in the things that make me happy, even if they don’t always make sense or scare the living shit out of me. I am sure there is a lesson to be learned from this specific point in my life. But for right now I am just going to bathe in my impulsiveness.



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Sometime my mind proper, boggles itself. Not quite sure how things are run up there, but at times it somewhat takes over the entire thinking process which I have no part in. Sometimes I'm not sure why i write things that I do, sometimes they don't pertain to my own situation or knowledge but the words spatter across the pages as if they know what they want to say. I looked back through some older writings that I i had lost yesterday and found a couple of random entries. I wonder when I wrote this and what it's importance was at the time.

On, "Overcoming Love"?

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Just one mind, two eyes, one mouth, two lies

One heart, two arms, one embrace, resilient to charm

Made of cotton and steel, this heart's been built up on a cherry hill

Looking out and above the trees, the sky giving off its natural hue

Life never seemed so sweet before, so much easier to walk out the door

Eyes clear and dry, voice withered to less than a sigh

The vanilla pages emptied into the wind, who knows when the ink will be used again