27 years, 5 months, 28 days......

Sometimes I dream, before I sleep

Sometimes I talk, before I speak

Sometimes I see, before I know

Things I may not, want to know

About 27 years, 5 months, and 28 days ago a little girl cried. Because she wasn’t aware of her surroundings, she didn’t recognize the new faces, the strange smells, the bright lights. She would cry so so many more times as she grew up. But this is when she made her first observation about the world she had been born into. She decided to create her own world, and she is still trying to. No matter the obstacles, the losses or the sadness……she is in awe of the true beauty that life holds, the pureness of music, the lines of art, the interesting faces of strangers and the untold stories of people she has yet to meet…..but will.

Life is about decisions, and relationships with the people and things around us. It’s about the choices we make, and the ones we prolong. The one big thing that changes as you get older is that you become more definitive about the things you want in your life, the people you choose to share it with, and the places you hope to find yourself.

The twenties are great years. They are playful, fun, flirty; naïve but they are also dramatic, climatic, and problematic and character building. You meet people that affect you; you’re affected by these people dramatically. Your character changes a lot through these years, and you find yourself very different than you may have been when you were 18. Things that may have hurt you easily seem to roll over your skin and dissipate; you may become more callous to romance and only really take in what you truly believe to be a real connection.
Some of your closest friends may become strangers, and people that stood in the background for so long show their true colors and earn a place in your heart. You find more importance in people’s mental perception of life than the length of years you may have known them. You tend to find what it is that you are truly passionate about, and some how the world places people in your life with similar passions or museful people that push you to follow your heart.

You may become close friends quickly, and you enjoy the little things in life much more. It’s an aging, it a bettering I believe. You become more quick witted, and intelligent, and wise if you’re lucky. And sometimes you become more and more delusional, misinformed and beaten. I have my days; we can all be on the opposite side of the fence. We are all broken at points, and we are all a bit delusional. But if we can manage to pick up the pieces, and move along life tends to place beneficial obstacles in our paths and we are able to walk away stronger and smarter.

There are opportunities for change everywhere. There are opportunities for adventure everywhere. It amazes me the amount of struggle people endure to fit into spaces that weren’t carved out for them. It amazes me the amount of disappointment people can handle when they don’t follow their dreams, and do what they think is the right thing to do in the eyes of others. But I am also surprised at the amount of selflessness that exists in any given environment. People letting their own dreams go for the ones they love, people moving to places that affect them negatively in order to take care of their own, people that give up a lifestyle that comforts them for the sake of a job they feel will earn them more respect.

Out of all creatures, we posses thought, action, and choice. Yet we are not so different from the kingdoms that surround us.

I lost friends this year, I lost an important character building stranger, I lost my favorite pair of shoes, I lost a bit of my identity, and I gained some, and I made some new friends, and I earned a new perspective on the familiarity of strangers. I realized growing up is about being able to let things go, let people go, let places go that create negativity. I used to think earned relationships, whether they were good or bad, were earned and you had to carry them around. Even if they got to heavy, you could never really take it upon yourself to clip the strings because that’d be irresponsible and reckless. But in truth, that’s part of growing up. Being strong enough to know when to say goodbye, when to say sorry, when to say I was too late, and when to say if I could do it all over again. And I also learned part of growing up is learning to trust….the right people, the right places, the right judgments and the right opportunities. You can’t go around being afraid to step on any toes, you have to be able to get yourself to the point that you can always leap if you wish to. And the people that may have not always been there, and the people that are truly meant to be there, will be there to catch you. And if they aren’t you have to trust that you’ll be strong enough to endure certain adventures, and downfalls, and up falls on your own. Just never ever be a person that is afraid to move, to speak, to feel or to fall.

The new year is approaching, and it serves as a catylst for change. Not that any one date, or time of the year should serve as a static catylst. But nevertheless, its an oppurtunity to do things differently, to say things differently or just say them period, its clean, its fresh, its new.

Sometimes I dream, before I sleep

Sometimes I talk, before I speak

Sometimes I see, before I know

Things I may not, want to know