Sometimes I ask myself, what it is exactly that I am supposed to be getting out of my life. It’s beautiful in its own sincere messy way, but either direction that I chose I feel societal pressure. Not that it matters because I have never been one to really give into pressure for what’s right or wrong, I’ve always done pretty well at standing on my own opinions. But when you see things changing around you, friends, your city, your own skin, things become a little less than…..Ideal. I want to make the right decisions, if there are right decisions, but I have gotten to a point where making, ANY, decision scares me to death. I don’t want to make the wrong decision, I feel like I’ve made many in my past. Although none to blame because every road I have taken has led me exactly to the point I am now, and I am pretty happy with the person I have become and the life that I am leading but I am just afraid I have gotten to a point where believing in fate leading the path is a bit juvenile. Is this me growing up? Or is this me embracing change? I really don’t know anymore. People ask me so what now? I have no idea. I have been jet setting my way around change the last four years. When things become mundane I fly to Spain, or take a boat to the Bay Islands, or walk around Argentina for air. Travel, art, love, color, photography: all elements that diffuse any type of pessimism from the outside world . Any time I feel any type of negativity seeping in I turn to those elements to coddle my fears. I find contentment and achievement in the extreme elements of life, not something I am willing to give up at any age. Life is about the movement.
So do I stay now, or do I run. Do I embrace change, or do I try to manipulate it? Do I give in or do I stand my ground? I hate labels but I’d have to classify my think as a Realist suffused in Romanticism but can u be both? I want to be.
Ideally I’d like to be a realist
Realistically I’d like to be an idealist
How many times a day would you have to look up at the sky
Before it began to look back down on you
Is it novice to pray in terms of mindful disputes?
Is it logical to believe in fate or is just another fairy tell we are told when young
Is it just another topic that seems to be written about in books or in songs, sung?
What is it that we are supposed to grasp for support?
We are just left in this unstable and vague rapport
The more questions I try to diffuse
The more answers I seem to be refused
I run from the end of the world and back
But upon my expected arrival nothing has changed, and the answers I still lack
The unexpected is enlightening
Keeps things exciting
Maybe I like the chase
Is it a waste?
Does it just stall the inevitable?
Or is the inevitable, unpredictable?
More questions, less answers, more ideas, more letters
Letters that form words, that form sentences that form books
Books about nothing in particular, books about nothing read
My thoughts fill pages upon pages, nothing really to be said
That’s it…..
No answers, no aid, no structure
Just lines
Upon Lines
Upon Lines
Of endless and unanswered questions….
Souls are much like water: in need of constant movement to remain clean, uncluttered, pure. Stagnant water is as toxic as the stagnant soul. Life is certainly about "the movement" if our goal is to remain fresh, healthy, and clean. If that feeling is true being, then does it not require that movement to achieve its desired and intended state?
ReplyDeletethats beautiful........
ReplyDeletesing for meee!! <3
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