Ode to the Dreamer.......

My heart is racing, it's beats heightened from my dreams

The images run and hide from my eyes, too deep to redeem

I run to get my pen, but the ink has run dry

The words in my head slowly fizzle and die

The world that I enter when I close my eyes

Has me short of breath, waking with a cry

The heat from the sweat gathered in those intense sets

Is too much for my body to recycle and reset

So I lie here unstirred until the beats dissipate

I close my eyes, envision and renegotiate

With my mind’s theatre and the tickets just sold

I beg the ticket master for the prior to be retold

Because sitting in this theatre without any memory from before

Leaves the dreamer empty handed with a mind so sore

Fighting to break those mental blocks

Has me wondering if these dreams are stored in some cerebral lock box

Ode to the dreamer because I am one of you

I’ll lay here in my bed overheated and used

My mind just stole another story and left me here confused……

Feel-osophy

Volumes Filled

With Secrets Revealed

Lips Sealed

Not at all the Ideal

Making fiction a little more unreal

We only allow truth in segments at a cautious will

The Ink Unveils

What the Mind Wills

But cannot be said

By fear of what thoughts about objections other will be fed

So the thoughts lay dormant on paper and pen
Until the thinker gets the courage defend

Until the truth lays in front of subjective eyes
The words become intangible, and are but shallow lies

You cannot expect progressive change or revolution

When you hide unique creation with shallow substitution

A very sore sight for the creative mind
When they know the answer but chose to be blind

Emerson, Nietzsche, Thoreau, Whitman and Marx

All had their opinions on the Philosophy of the Arts

Emerson and Marx may have strayed
But Thoreau and Nietzsche to their minds they played

Multum in Parvo ‘much in part’

A small foreshadowing for a revolutionary and progressive start

Still two hundred years later most do not see

That life is a bit more simple when relating you heart to philosophy

It’s not the magnitude of the life you seek
It’s the intensity of the realization that makes your life a little less bleak

So instead of writing your pities or crying them out

Try to be optimistic……even simple……that’s what the great’s were all writing about

______________________________________

    I have been burying my nose in Nietzsche’s writings for years but this month marks my fusion with Thoreau and his thoughts on Escapism and Naturalism. Don’t you find it a tad bit interesting that 5 of the great classic thinkers were in the same area in the early 1800’s? I mean they attended the same cocktail parties and social gatherings. They read the same newspapers and lived the same lives.

Whitman, Melville, Emerson, Hawthorne, and Thoreau lived in the same area of Concord at some point in their essential lives. Amoung the rest of society they just happened to be men that were more outspoken or mad, but to the rest of the literary world they have become intellectual idols. We have lived by their mottos, their words for almost two centuries. They all died unappreciated and more or less unknown. Why is it that the people that influence us the most in life have to be intangible? Why must they die first for us to take their “living” more seriously? Irony, right?

 Multum in Parvo- spoken by Thoreau. “Much in Part”- it was his conviction that it is not the magnitude but the intensity of realization which counts in life. He insists on the contrary, that reform begins with the individual and that if men would only come to their sense society would, become what it should be. Live simply, think highly is what I get from his writings. It took a man secluding himself from society and placing himself in isolation for years by a pond….for people to take his words seriously and reform their own lives. Although he tried to break from society…..I just want to be a catalyst for change in a broken society. I don’t want to turn my back on it.

“We walk to lakes to see our serenity reflected in them; when we are not serene, we got not to them” –Henry David Thoreau.

Life can be as simple and beautiful as you want it to be. The more materials, possessions and burdens you place on yourself…..the more of the simplicity you lose. Life isn’t supposed to be some difficult task you were given, it’s supposed to be a gift for you to enjoy.

Live simply…….Think highly



Waste of Time......

A thought, one thought, one moment, one action, one idea……can cause a monumental change in the way you process your thoughts, your psyche…..in essence you. That’s happened to me before; it’s happened to you, it’s happened to each of us. When you’re just sitting there thinking, sometimes, you think hmmm I could do this or that’s just not me, there is no way I’d be interested it that, or there’s no way I’m strong enough for that. Then one day you just adjust, something inside you ignites and something changes. We aren’t meant to understand it, but the strongest of us are the ones that are able to adapt to the change. The ones of us that are inspired to embrace the unobserved and new.

I look back on some of the decisions I have made, and some of the ones I haven’t yet made. I look back on the things I once found pleasure in, and the things I still don’t. I look at the people who shaped my being, the people that touched my heart, and the people that broke it. And I appreciate every step I’ve taken. When you let your body and mind hold in hate for people then you only hurt yourself. I have been there, I have been broken, and we all have. But at some point you have to let go, you have to know that there was a reason, you have to know that life goes on. Everyone seems to welter in their own pain, forgetting that we all go through the same progressions at different rates and different speeds in this short life. The longer you let the past inhibit the present, the longer your mind will be stifled and congested with unnecessary baggage. So just let it go, let it all just float out into the universe. You had it for long enough, let someone else deal with it. It’s made you grow, right? Let someone else learn from it. Some of the most uninspired moments in my life were spent dwelling on old arguments, old loves, and old news. Get over it, best advice anyone ever gave me. Life goes on, and on, and on, and on. And whatever it is that you think is so horrendous in your life at the moment, I can almost guarantee you that someone has been through far worse, so stop being selfish.

People are so accustomed to keeping negative influences in their life. We congratulate those that don’t as if it’s a myth to be able to let our baggage go. We award it, it’s almost if we put it in a scrapbook and honor it every day. I mean what is it about being human that makes us so attached to misery. If you had a job and you hated it and you got fired, then why are you upset? Why feel like a failure, you didn’t belong there anyhow. If you loved someone, and they broke your heart, don’t find comfort and solidity in them for the next five years just because you’re afraid to let go. Just because you loved someone or something doesn’t mean you owe the rest of your life to that memory. You can appreciate something and love it, and when it no longer makes you happy ….let it go. No one is going to judge you if you don’t look back, they will probably be jealous of the strength you possess to simply walk away. I think it’s probably the hardest thing for most of us and it should be the easiest. Something makes you unhappy…..walk away. Don’t return, don’t grieve, and don’t make a memory bank. Move on, let it go, appreciate it while it lasted and……let it go.

Then again the most inspirational moments in my life have been in times of complete freedom from regret or anxiety. Worrying about trivial matters is just a way of resisting movement. We get bored in our everyday lives so we fixate on these things that don’t mean anything to us, we find something to worry about, gossip about, talk about, and criticize. We find anything that will take our mind of what matters; we find comfort in the old so that we don’t have to adjust to the new. All it does in stifle time and lag it along until you’re ready to face reality. What’s the point, you may as well get to work?

It’s a very disgusting thing, such a waste of time. All the time I have spent worrying about the actions of others, worrying about people’s perception of me, worrying about nothing, worrying about issues I created in my own mind. Such a waste. If I could take all that time back and create something worth meaning, create something positive, really just create anything I’d take back all that wasted time in a heartbeat. But I know now what I didn’t know then, so I’ll just start all over again.

To All That Doubt

There is something to be said,
How you seem to have misread.

Misread..... what it is exactly that you think I am,

Maybe how you thought I’d give a damn.

You stifle your own fears and place them on me,

You blame them on my break with the rules of society.

You tell me I am not doing enough,

That I am making excuses…..

But....excuses for what

I get your fear; I get your resistance to my choices and goals

But I don’t expect you to get it, Dear

We have been life type-casted into two very different roles.

So just stand aback, be bewildered and perplexed.

I promise you, my path is a warranted choice, not some heinous vex

I am actually great as of late

If you really took the time to look at me

Then I think you would finally see

The person you fear for and sometimes pity

Actually pities you, and the light in me that you are not able to see

So next time you want to judge

Exactly what it is that you deem is your expertise to stand higher than

Remember I am stronger than you........ in the fact that I am absolutely confident in what I do, and who I am.

So keep your judgmental eyes off the axis that is paralleled with me

And point them inward, and let your own insecurities finally be freed

Transit.....

I’ve been reading a lot lately. Books about things, books about places, books about people’s self actualizing journeys across the globe, books that make me …….feel. And I feel like I’ve left my fair share of footsteps throughout the world’s continents but every time I find myself back home ….. and I always want more. I start thinking, fantasizing, and planning these epic journeys in my mind. These thoughts fill my dreams, they fill my days, man they fuel my daydreams and they send me off into tangent thinking throughout my entire day.

I don’t actually believe in empty moments……you know? Those moments when you ask someone, “Hey what are you thinking about” and they respond “Oh, nothing.” I don’t think I have ever had an “Oh, nothing” moment in my entire life. I mean, really, are there actual moments where your mind just sits on a bench and takes a break. That’s a reality, or is it just a notion? I mean hell, if my thoughts took a break maybe I wouldn’t be so hyped up every single waking moment. I feel like if something isn’t on my mind, or I’m not thinking about something then I’m wasting ……space? I don’t know, I feel restless, I feel strange. I have too many ideas, and creations throughout one day that I cant even write fast enough to catch them before I forget they even existed somewhere in my cerebral world.  My mind must be exhausted.

So any way’s these books I’ve been reading. This one specifically that I’m reading right now by Stevenson is called Grounded it’s about this couple that lives in DC. They become completely bored with their daily routine, the same coffee shops every morning, the same tired conversations with co-workers they have nothing in common with, the same bars visited when they need to relieve stress. So they pick up, they quit their jobs, they take all their belongings and they store them. They decide to circumnavigate the world without any air transportation. Believe me the book reveals some interesting stories when it comes to travelling the courses of seven seas. Anyhow the book is just another catalyst for my mind to catch a wave on another wavering tangent. I feel like, yes, I do travel a bit, yes I am lucky to have seen what I have, but I want more.

Maybe these 2 to 3 month backpacking trips are just preparing me for something bigger. Maybe after my winter season in Vail I can save up and really take a trip. One where I load up all my important belongings, sell the rest and just hit the road. Where too you ask? No clue, my ideas on that change every day. Especially when it comes to reading travel books or checking out travel sites. I can always see myself in every examined destination.

 Reading about surfing in Bali totally relates to me because I could see myself out in the ocean waiting to catch the perfect wave until sunset, only coming in to grab a plate of traditional Balinese food on the beach. Waiting around to watch the monkeys hop around while trying to scam me out of my food. Then again reading about working a boarding season in France is totally up my alley as well, because there’s nothing more amazing than spending days waking early and hitting fresh powder until your legs go numb. Or I could easily see myself chasing music festivals across the world, and working in the crew schlepping music farers around the festival grounds on a golf cart with three well working wheels, and one ancient wooden one.

I want to go somewhere different, I mean completely out of my element. I want to go somewhere! Somewhere where my mind, my body, and my ideas are challenged and I’m completely out of my norm. Where too then…..where too?

Morning Light......

The morning light sits stagnant on the dust covered floor, becoming this incessant pool of orange that in the dusk I sometimes deplore.

 It is just another thing that I have seen so many times before, it’s just a signal to most that it’s time to rise and walk out the door.

But I irritate the restrictive signal by laying here for some while; it’s not as if there is some wake up guideline chart that I am here to defile.

I'm no catylst to the progression of change, I embrace it, but I am asking for a few hours to possibly be rearranged.

The Brown walls and sheer green curtains seem to be unfastened to the pooling of light. It is as if the sheerness invites the plight.

It’s as if the photos and paintings on the walls are luminescent as they are lit up by the sight.

But I bury myself deeper under the sheets as if to say no, no to the daily succession because I am not ready to let go.

Not ready to rid myself of the dreams from the night before, not yet ready to progress to a new day and what it has in store, feeling as if I have seen it all before.

But as expected, Here it goes, feet planted to the ground, moving slowly not to make a sound.

I get myself unbound and rewound for the routine of what is approaching me. It is not really as awful as I make it seem.

My life is open, my day’s are free, most of the time I am reading or just being.
But then again I hate to wake up when I am not ready; I wish the sun would hold it steady.

Maybe it could wait to intrude just this small space; it just seems to much a waste.
Maybe it could let me complete that one last night’s dream, it may be more important than it seemed.