I had this idea while sleeping under the stars, in a desert with a dry heat that makes Austin look cold. I had this idea that I like the way I feel........
I like the way I see things intensely. I like the way I feel about my life, my friends, my relationships with the world around me......
Have you ever seen " numbness", I know we have all felt it, but look around. More and more people are "numb"......they are walking around completely void of any feelings whatsoever. It's tragic.
I look around, I sit, I walk, I write, I listen, and I see so many sleepwalkers. That’s the ironic pleasure of being a freelancer. Your days sometimes may seem empty but just “being” in public and watching the world revolve around you can be exhausting to the mind. I just got back from a trip to the desert. I spent 5 days with 7 amazing friends. Spent 4 nights under the Chisos Mountain's stars, and opened my mind a little more so than it already is. Sometimes I feel like if I open my mind any more that I'll cave right into it, unable to escape, and becoming a mad women to the outside world. But unlike so many at least I'll have some feeling on the situation and I may even enjoy the madness, ok, so I would definitely enjoy the madness.
So many people sleep away their lives just waiting to be awoken. As if one day an eternal clock is going to alarm them into feeling. People just waiting, waiting to feel anything, like they may have used too, or waiting to feel anything at all. Always waiting for someone or something to come along and shed light into their lives. Standing in line at the local supermarket daydreaming about things they think will never happen, sitting in traffic hoping for the day to be over, taking a longer shower than usual just to escape the daily routine that awaits you beyond the bathroom door.
Even at this moment, writing these words, I'm perched up on my favorite stool at Whole Foods (my second home), and I can see numbness in so many eyes in scares me. It's as if its become some kind of disease that takes on the average person as their youth slips away. After some time, after natural daily routine, after the cubicle has gotten the best of many, it is as if people give up on movement.
Life shouldn't work like that. It’s fleeting, and it’s always one step in front of you. You may choose to chase it for answers, but you will never catch it and along the way you will waste months, years, even decades. What seems a long life is really a short life in such an infinite space so why waste even a moment. The only way to awake is to move, move things around in your mind, redecorate your thoughts, your lines, and your barriers. Start looking instead of seeing, start moving instead of letting your routine map out your life, listen instead of just being in attendance of your life.
Just because your living doesn’t mean you are, alive. After all living is what life is about, right?
My biggest fear is that one day I'll start to believe everyone when they tell me that I need to settle down, I need to commit, I need to choose a path, I need to choose a favorite color. I like to rearrange my likes and dislikes. It works for me, change looks good on me, I think it looks good on most people. If you go numb, and can't even feel your own thoughts and dreams.....how is anyone else supposed to 'feel' about you.
All of those urges in the back of your mind, maybe they aren’t so crazy, start listening to them before you wake up one day in silence, unable to move, completely blank of creativity. Immobility of the mind and body, that is something to fear my friends. Change on the other hand is not, embrace it. You never know, it may change your life, it may change many. But either way its movement, it’s progressive. Do not let your mind digress; don’t let your dreams die. A world without change, without imagination, without movement. It’s a beige beige world and the people there are epically bored. Believe me no one wants to live there…..so move.
